The Fourteenth
by Astaline Indium
Summary: Bleh, I hate writing summaries because....they just dont' work. read it if ur curious
1. Chapter 1

I had one week until Valentine's Day. One week how to figure out how I could spill my guts to him, and still walk away with some dignity.

The name's Logan. I'm at the lucky age of thirteen, and I'm a girl despite the popular belief that Logan is a boy's name. You're absolutely right, it is, and I have no idea what possessed my parents to name me this, but they did. I suppose it's better than Christina or Samantha. I used to hate the name, but I grew to like it, simply because it's different.

Background information can be boring, but I don't want to start ranting about my story until you know me and a few of the other people I'll be mentioning. I'll only say what's important (or at least what I think is important. We may have a bit of a different view on that). I'll make it as brief as I can because it bores some people, but I'm not making any promises. I do have a tendency to go on (just like I'm doing right now).

Okay, so I'm punk. I like music and Hello Kitty, skanking and being loud. I like black, and I like depressing things despite the fact that my personality tends to be the complete opposite. I'm like on a perpetual sugar high, and I'm overly enthusiastic almost always. I talk fast, and I laugh at almost everything. I'm not saying that this is how I feel, but it's how I act.

I'm really smart even though I do have UBER stupid moments. I'm in honors, and I sometimes wonder how I managed, because I can't believe how stupid I sound sometimes. (It's the blonde hair I bet). I read constantly, either manga or some long-ass novel that I get far too into for my own good. I like video games (especially RPGs)… So I figure I'm as much of a dork as I am a punk.

You've probably been wondering, and still are wondering who "he" is. Haha, you're going to laugh, so get it out of your system now. Waits for intense laughter to die down. Um… I love him. And no, this isn't one of those "Oh my god! He is so hot, I wish he'd ask me out!" cases. This is love, and I swear to it. I think about him constantly, and I'd chop off my right arm to spend five minutes with the boy. Any problems I have are gone within seconds of hearing his voice. He's the only person that actually listens to my incessant chattering, and for that, I am endlessly grateful.

He's five foot seven,(or at least he claims to be). His brown-ish hair is a mess, and his eyes are a soft brown color beneath his glasses. He's a dork to say the least, but that doesn't dampen my love for him. Yeah, I called the guy I like a dork, but what else would you call a guy who vividly describes the battle systems of video games you name for your listening pleasure? See? You think so too now! Damn, I'm persuasive.

…And I've just realized that after all of that, I have failed to mention his name. It's Evan by the way. Looks innocent.

Yeah, I talk (or in this case write) in the third person sometimes. (This is where Sam should interject, cross out my "sometimes" and add "a lot"). Evan and a few of my other friends do it too. I've decided it's a side effect from reading too much manga, and wishing you were Asian. I'M ASIAN ON THE INSIDE!

Gasp! There's more background to this all than I had thought originally. Um… let's see… my parents are divorced, I see my father on weekends and my mother during the week.

I play drums takes a bow and I have a kick ass drum teacher named Max who is fucking awesome in every way possible. I'm in a band called Here's To Being Lost with my friends Sam, Steve, and Dave. Sam and I are trying to talk the guys into something a bit less emo, but they're adamant about the emo-ness. Dave is emo, and I can't say I'm not, so I suppose it's alright. I mean, it's a decent name.

Dave is cool. I've known him for about a year, and it's been great. Dave is the kind of guy girls swoon over (yes, I did just use the word "swoon"). If it wasn't for the fact that I still remember him as a seventh grader with braces, glasses, and a shitty haircut, I'd probably be drooling over him along with half of my school's female population (and maybe male, who knows?)

Sam's been my friend since sixth grade. We're really close, and I have the right to believe she knows more about me than anyone else in the world. She's really pretty and nice, but she seems to have a bit of guy trouble. The last guy to ask her out was so fat she was more afraid of him eating her than actually trying to touch her. I remember one day not too long after he asked her out she came to me and said "Oh my god Logan, I had the WORST dream. I was in a house alone with Sinisa. AND THERE WAS NO FOOD!"

Now we move on to Steve, who is lovingly known as "Alphonse". I think I may be able to go on about Steve forever. Okay. Here's the bit of background. I used to like Steve. To put it bluntly, he treated me like complete shit, and I was uber depressed like all the time and I wanted to kill myself. Sounds fun, right? We're doing better now though. Like, Steve is like my brother (to put it in a clichéd form). I really respect him and his opinions as much as I hate to say it, even though we are constantly at each other's throats. Here's the killer though. We're always fighting, and _I'm_ always the one apologizing because he's too immature to do it himself (even when I'm right!) and I'm too mature to give a flying fuck.

ANYWAYS. I think I'm done ranting, and we can move on to the actual story. Take a bow! You've made it this far, think you can stand the rest of my book?


	2. Chapter 2

"Hi-hi!" Brittany cried from her position beneath a pole in front of the cafetorium.

Every morning me and all of my friends meet there to hang out for the ten minutes or so of extra time we have before school starts. I smiled, waved, and sat down next to her.

I met Brittany at the beginning of the year when I wore this Inuyasha t-shirt (that's a manga by the way) and she revealed her all things Inuyasha obsession to me, and gave me a few awesome screenshots that she found. We hit it off since the. She's really….er… nice? Brittany's a real sweetheart, but if you get on her bad side, you're likely to have your head bitten off.

"Did you see last night's episode of FullMetal?" She asked, pulling a cassette tape out of the plastic bag she used as a backpack.

"No, you know I never get to watch it on weekends."

FullMetal Alchemist is this awesome manga/anime/video game that Brittany, Evan, and I are all obsessed with. They show it really late at night on Cartoon Network, so it's a real pain in the ass to watch, but it's worth it. During the week they play re-runs (which really aren't re-runs for me because I didn't start watching until around the second season… maybe later) so I set my alarm clock to watch them, and wake up uber early in the morning. I can't watch the newer episodes though, because I'm at my dad's house when they play them. I don't have a TV in my room there, and I don't feel like sneaking around the house at one in the morning to watch a television show and risk waking up half of the house.

"Here, you can borrow it then. I taped it," She said, handing me the tape she had pulled out.

"THANK YOU!" I shrieked, and went to hug her. She edged away before I could do so though. Brittany isn't a very hug-ish person. She kicks arse anyhow.

Yes, I think I'll say "arse" instead of "ass" from now on

It's like saying ass.

With class.

I saw Helena's red coat out the window, and I waited for her to come into the main hall. When she did I shouted "Heleni!" And jumped up and down frantically while she rubbed her eyes.

"I'm tired," She moaned. "Don't call me that."

Helena, also known as Heleni by me and only me has been my best friend since second grade. We're polar opposites, but we're still the perfect pair.

By the time I was done annoying the hell out of Helena, about five minutes had passed. I was just about ready to quit my uber hyper streak when my hood was unceremoniously yanked over my head.

"Hey!" I shouted, spinning around to look into Evan's soft brown eyes.

"Hola," He said, grinning.

My heart sped up. I loved the mornings.

"Oh, fuck," I heard Brittany mumble, and I knew that Matt had just arrived.

Matt is this guy that was in Evan's wood shop class last semester. He annoys the hell out of Brittany and half of the crowd that I hang out with, but as much as I hate saying it, Evan and I seem to like him. Yeah, sure he annoys me sometimes, but he's still not half bad.

"Are our little love birds flirting again?" He mocked, walking towards the crowd that now surrounded where Brittany and I were once sitting alone.

I felt the color rising to my cheeks, "Shut up!" I retorted.

Not the best comeback on my behalf, but it's all I could say in my defense.

"You know he likes you, right?" Matt asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"Shut up!" That time, from Evan.

Would I get in trouble for strangling Matt? Nah, he's not worth the criminal record. Can I take back the comment about liking him though? I'm sorry I'm just kidding. He really isn't that bad. He grows on you (more like a fungus than a flower). I'm still not too sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Matt shook his head and looked at me, "He does," he insisted.

"Prove it!" I said, thinking it would be impossible for him to do so.

"Why else would he hang out here every morning?" he suggested, thinking he had me beat.

"Because everyone here is his friend. You hang out here and you're not in love with anyone! He talks and jokes and shit with everyone, just like you!" I retaliated, thinking he couldn't possibly have a comeback to that statement.

"You're absolutely right," he said, "He talks with everyone, but he only ever looks at you."

I felt myself blush again. Matt was so totally full of shit.

We all made small talk about the most random things until the bell rang, and we all went our separate ways.

My first period class is algebra. Nothing all that exciting ever happens in the class, except for the fact that my teacher kicks complete and total arse. (See? I remembered to say arse). I remember on Halloween, students voted for what a few teachers would dress up as, and he got voted to dress up as a punk. He showed up to school in a blue wig, with long hair and pig tails, a white t-shirt with the pi sign on it that said "cool band" on the back, black nail polish, and eyeliner. Math teachers don't get much cooler than that. Oh yeah, and we had matching studded belts cracks up.

Anyhow, my second period class is health. Health is… health-ish. Third period is wood shop. My woodshop class is all guys, and I'm the only girl save for this uber preppy chick named Adina who has the guys do all the work for her. I swear the class is for complete and utter retards. We spent an entire day learning how to properly read a ruler .Then, the next day we were given a quiz on it, and I guarantee you that not everyone in the class got an 'A'. I'm making a really awesome box though, and it's amazing. The end.

Fourth period is French class. I speak more French outside of class than I do in. J'aime parle francais (I like to speak French). I'm doing really well in the class too. My friend Stephanie is in my class. She's awesome, and she has the cutest bunny, which I'm proud to say pwns my ass. Stephanie's amazing, she just tends to be a bit pessimistic and morbid at times (it happens to the best of us). I met Steph in sixth grade along with this cool guy named Josh who later that year asked me out.

I declined his request because I'm not allowed to date until I'm sixteen, and I really didn't want to go. He was like my brother. And anyhow, I had no idea as to why the fuck a guy was asking me out. I have the world's lowest self esteem, and there is not a SINGLE thing that I like about myself. Yes, sure sometimes I look OK but I never have particularly _liked_ the way I look. You probably say "oh, well there's your personality," but trust me, eighth grade guys (or at least most of them who aren't scared out of their mind to ask a girl on a date) don't give a fuck about personality. They look at your dress size, and that's it.

Fifth period is lunch, and I sit at a table with Stephanie and Brittany. Before lunch I used to get to see Dave and Evan in the hallway, but now that it's the second semester and our electives have changed- I don't. This really sucks, because I don't have a single class with him, and the only time I get to see him now is in the morning, and that's not nearly long enough to make me happy.

Lunch time is generally silly, and we discuss ridiculous things such as how to murder someone with a four slot toaster (which we have actually figured out a method to do. And it's not involving bashing them over the head with it because we ruled that one out. It's too easy.) And why our sculpture teacher is lacking in the hair department.

"Valentine's day is coming up soon," Brittany said, trying to sound casual.

I knew that the whole "I loathe Valentine's Day" speech was coming up, so I nodded my head and waited for the outburst.

"I _hate_ Valentine's day," she said, stuffing a bunch of Sun Chips into her mouth.

I swear to god, watching Brittany eat should be a spectator sport- we could charge admission and everything.

"Why?" I asked. I never did quite get a decent answer to this question.

I'll admit that Valentine's day isn't my favorite holiday either, but who the hell cares if the greeting card companies make up a sappy holiday to earn some extra cash before Saint Patrick's Day?

"Because it's the stupidest holiday ever," She insisted.

"So you _hate_ it?" Steph scoffed, knowing Brittany was being a tad ridiculous.

Brittany never did get to answer though, because the accursed bell rang, and we all had to leave.

Stephanie and I had to go to out sculpture class, which is… a rather interesting class. We're stuck with these bimbos that I really hate, but feel the need to be civil too cuz I'm too frigging nice.

"I loathe my geodome," Steph said flatly as we walked down the hallways.

She'd been working on this uber complex pattern for our project, and now she was being forced to duplicate it twenty times so she could make a three-d sculpture out of it. Mine was complex too, but not nearly so much as Stephanie's. However, anyone doing the project had the right to loathe it. It's almost physically impossible to duplicate a drawing twenty times without spontaneously combusting from extreme boredom.

Sculpture class was very sculpture class-ish to say the least. Then we have history, which is a mad dash across the entire school (which is a quarter of a mile long might I add), and we are _always_ late.

History was boring (what else is new?) and after that I and all of my friends met in front of my locker while I gathered the books I needed for the rest of the day. There we were completely random, and rubbed the top of Steve's head obsessive compulsively while he looked miserable (he just shaved his head again, and now it's fuzzy!)

Then is English, followed by science.

My science teacher never ceases to amaze me however. I forgot my homework today. Usually my teacher would be the first to begin ranting about how I get a zero blah blah blah you know the jist, but today she was just like "oh, well we all have days. Just bring it in tomorrow."

I even had to have her repeat that because I thought I was hearing things.

The day was rather uneventful until that evening.


	3. Chapter 3

(please note that FMAguru is Evan, Drummergirl is me, and MCRfreak is dave)

FMAguru: Logan!

Drummergirl: Evan!

FMAguru: What's up?

Drummergirl: nm, u?

FMAguru: I made a myspace!

Drummergirl: claps for Evan

Drummergirl: May I have the url?

FMAguru: I already requested u as a friend. Just accept

Drummergirl: okay, hang on

FMAguru: waits

Drummergirl: u've been accepted

FMAguru: goes to read logan's myspace

Drummergirl: goes to read evan's myspace

FMAguru: Oooh! Logan's in love!

Drummergirl: I knew I should have removed that bit from my survey

FMAguru: who?

Drummergirl: I'm NOT telling

FMAguru: please?

Drummergirl: NO

FMAguru: gimme a hint

(please note that NO ONE is aware of my crush on Evan)

Drummergirl: okay, he's in our grade

FMAguru: That's not a good hint!

Drummergirl: too bad

FMAguru: Don't you trust me?

Drummergirl: Okay, last time I told sum1 I liked them, they treated me like complete crap, I'm so not telling you so he can find out

FMAguru: so I know him?

Drummergirl: maybe

FMAguru: COME ON

Drummergirl: NO

FMAguru: Does he know?

Drummergirl: must I repeat myself? NO

FMAguru: I'm sure anyone else in the universe would be flattered to know you liked them

Drummergirl: well, what if he's not everyone else in the universe?

FMAguru: If you never tell anyone that you care about them, you'll be alone forever. You can't just sit and wait for them to make a move.

Drummergirl: Then I'll be alone. I won't die

FMAguru: lol. That was a bit dramatic on my behalf, lol. Sorry

Drummergirl: Hey, wait. Now it's MY turn. Who do you like?

FMAguru: no one

Drummergirl: liar

FMAguru: no I really don't—what makes u say that?

(I didn't think it would be as easy as asking, did I?)

Drummergirl: Well, you know. We're teenagers. Everyone always likes SOMEONE

FMAguru: well, I've learned how to control my hormones

Drummergirl: LMFAO  
FMAguru: So u wont tell me?

Drummergirl: sigh I might tell him on Valentine's day—I'll let you know if I tell him, okay?

FMAguru: Promise?

Drummergirl: Fine, promise

FMAguru: don't forget

Drummergirl: I won't—I gtg

FMAguru: ookay vv bye

Drummergirl: adios

Okay, so now I totally had to tell him. Like it or not. HOW DO I ALWAYS MANAGE TO GET MYSELF INTO THIS SHIT? goes insane


	4. Chapter 4

That week went by far too fast for my taste. None of my plans on how to tell him were all too great… there was a pile of about twelve different torn up Valentines I had made for him, but decided sucked.

So, it was February thirteenth, and I had no idea what I was going to do. I had exactly 23.6 hours to figure it out too…

Drummergirl: DAVE!

MCRFreak: Yes?

Drummergirl: Allow me to blab, I don't like steve anymore!

MCRFreak: good for you

Drummergirl: I think I mite like sum1 else

MCRFreak: Who?

Drummergirl: None of your business

MCRFreak: IT"S EVAN!

Drummergirl: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THAT?

MCRFreak: XD

Drummergirl: I think I mite tell him

MCRFreak: well, tomorrow's Valentine's Day ;)

Drummergirl: Lmao…yeah…

It was Valentine 's Day, and I somehow found myself standing at my bus stop waiting for a bus that was becoming increasingly late.

"Fuck this," I said.

My bus was so not ruining the day. I thought I was really gonna tell him even though I hadn't the slightest clue as to how. I walked home at top speed, and burst through the door, "Mommy, will you drive me to school?"

"Again? This is getting to be a serious pain in the ass, Logan. I want the number for the bus company," She said, looking really frustrated.

"I don't like being late, _please_ drive me," I asked, hopefully.

My mother sighed and grabbed the keys. The car ride was pure torture. I was screaming on the inside because I was worried about being late, despite the fact that I knew I'd be there really early.

When we got there, I kissed my mom goodbye as fast as I could and rushed into the school. Of course I was like so incredibly early that no one was even there yet, but at least my being late worries were gone. Now they were being replaced with "OMG WHAT DO I DO?" worries. I live so close to school that I wish I could walk, but my mother won't let me no matter how much I beg. Shrugs at least my bus (when it comes) is early enough for me (who is always in a rush).

I sat down in front of the pole to wait for everyone to arrive. I still had no idea what I'd say, and to put it simply I really didn't care at this point. I was so sick of just keeping it to myself that I thought I might explode without telling him. I mean, I could always lie and say it was someone else, but then I would have done all this worrying for nothing… RAWR! I HATE inner conflict. Okay, I'll tell him. If I don't, I'll never know if he feels the same way.

Brittany was the first to arrive. She had replaced her normal black attire with different shades of pink and red, almost too perfect for the occasion.

"Happy Valentine's Day Brittany!" I chirped, sounding more cheerful than I felt.

She smiled at me and sat down. "Oh my fucking god! Brittany's wearing color!" I gasped, and then laughed because she glared at me.

"It's a one day thing," She retorted.

Maybe I enjoy annoying her? Evil glint in eyes

We sat there for what seemed like forever, greeting each person with "WILL YOU BE MY VALENTINE?" Even to the girls who were my friends, and Brittany wanted to kill me because my nervous energy was embarrassing her, and because I already had about eleven girls agree to be my Valentine dies laughing.

Justin walked in, along with the rest of people that rode on Evan's bus, and I felt my heart sink. I didn't see Evan. "Where's Evan?" I asked Justin, trying not to sound suspicious.

"He missed the bus," Bennett interjected.

….great.


	5. Chapter 5

I had promised myself that if I didn't get to see Evan TODAY I wouldn't tell him. (And there was like a one in a million chance I'd see him in the halls _today_ seeing as how I never did). I didn't want to tell him on the phone, or over the internet, and the next day just wasn't good enough. So I wasn't telling him. I'd wait until next year. Maybe make a better plan than to just improvise.

During lunch time Brittany was scribbling on something pink, and she was holding it under the table so I couldn't see. "What's that?" I asked, peeking under the table.

She pulled it away just in time, but I then knew that it was a Valentine. "Oooh! It's a Valentine!" I shouted, stating the obvious. "Who's it for?"

"No one!" She said quickly, still trying to hide it.

"Tell me!" I insisted, being nosy.

When she shook her head and started to put it away, I quickly thought of a way to get her to show me.

"Um… if you tell me … I'll tell you who I like!" I lied. Yes, I really wanted to know, and I was SO not telling her that I liked Evan.

"I'll give you a hint," She said surreptitiously. "Starbursts."

FUCK.

… Starburst are Evan's favorite candy. She liked Evan. She was in LOVE with Evan. And he would so pick her over me. Not only had she known him longer, but she was pretty and skinny, and I was…well…not. ARGH.

And to add to my dilemma, I had to stay after school to make up a history quiz that I missed.


	6. Chapter 6

The test was hell, and then I had to take the late bus (which I hate) home.

I was in the process of storming past the buses to mine when I heard my name being called. "Hey look! It's Logan," I spun around, and there was Evan with his head stuck out of his late bus window, talking to _me._ What were the odds?

Unfortunately, behind him was this annoying kid, Adam, who enjoyed tormenting Evan. "Hey Evan!" I shouted, and started to walk away.

I couldn't believe myself. I was actually given an opportunity to tell him. For once I had had a stroke of good luck, and I was blowing it. What kind of person was I?

"You know what?" I said to myself (yes I actually said that to myself) as I turned around, and knocked on the window Evan had just called to me from. "Hello again!" He said, sticking his head back out the window while Adam annoyed the shit out of him from behind.

Talk about a bad moment, but what the hell. I was there. "I told you that I'd tell you who I like," I said, feeling the blush coming on. "But you have to guess."

"Okay…" he said, pushing Adam away a bit.

"He's tall, has glasses, and I'm talking to him right now," I said, my heart exploding in my chest.

I was going to explode along with my heart. I wanted to run away and hide in a closet for the rest of my human existence. I couldn't read the expression on his face, and it wasn't a good thing.

"Me?" He asked, looking uncomfortable now. He looked back at Adam, who I knew was probably giving him a hard time even more now. I thought that I would feel relieved, but all I felt was hurt.

I nodded my head, and waited for a response. I never got one though, because his bus began to drive away, and I had to chase my own.

I don't think there was ever a time in my life that I had felt more miserable. I wanted to die, and I had that feeling that no one would give a damn if I did. I blasted the rest of the world out with the loudest screaming music I could find on my ipod, and I wanted to burst into tears. The only thing that prevented it was the fact that I knew that Evan would let me down easy. He was a really nice guy.

When I got home, I was immediately on the computer, drowning my sorrows in homework as putting up the first away message I clicked on. However, I found that it was being interrupted.

FMAguru: Logan!

Drummergirl: Evan!

Drummergirl: I have hw, can I im u back in a bit?

FMAguru: Yeah, sure.

Drummergirl is away at 4:15 PM.

Great, okay, he was going to pretend nothing happened. Not my favorite tactic, but I suppose it's better than being an ass

I finished my homework, and then removed my away only to find he was away as well.


	7. Chapter 7

Auto response from FMAguru: Doing hw…. And waiting for sum1 to sign on.

My heart sped up again. That someone was me.

FMAguru: sorry

Drummergirl: that's okay

FMAguru: so you really like me?

Drummergirl: yes. insert blushing smiley here

FMAguru: lol.

Drummergirl: how would one make an embarrassed smiley? Lol

FMAguru: So, um… do you want to go out sometime?

OH MY FUCKING GOD

Drummergirl: YES!

FMAguru: is Saturday okay?

Drummergirl: I'm at my dad's. Friday?

FMAguru: perfect.

Drummergirl:

FMAguru: so, does this make us bf and gf now?

Drummergirl: I think so…lol XD

I imed Dave…

Drummergirl: HE ASKED ME OUT!

MCRfreak: who?

Drummergirl: EVAN!

MCRfreak: what did you say?

Drummergirl: YES, YOU MORON!

MCRfreak: Just checking

Drummergirl: lol

MCRFreak: congrats

Drummergirl: ty

MCRfreak: woah, u and evan... i have a feeling this is gonna be one of those rlly long relationships..

Drummergirl: ty


	8. Chapter 8

I had a boyfriend! And it was Evan! I wanted to scream it into the sky so the world could hear me, but I couldn't even tell my mother yet. I wanted to wait until I talked to my dad about it so I didn't have to even ask my mom if he decided to say "no" and not let me sway his opinion. I could still go to the movies friday, even though I didn't see my father until the weekend because I could just say it was a group outing. I'd have Dave come, and he could bring Nancy, his girlfriend along.

It happened to be a Tuesday, so I was dragged to drum lessons, which weren't that bad considering the fact that my mind was elsewhere and I was being a complete and total spazz. I couldn't wait until the next day, when I could finally see Evan and know he was my boyfriend. I know it sounds really dumb, but at that point it seemed far too good to be real.

And it was, because the next day I found out that with good comes bad.

When I got to school the next day, my heart was in my throat, I had forgotten about Brittany.

She was sitting in front of the pillar waving at me the way she always did, I felt completely and totally evil. I knew she had liked him. And I had told him anyway.

"Hey Brittany," I said, sitting down next to her. "You won't believe what happened yesterday."

I felt I should let her know before Evan came just in case she decided to murder me. I'd rather she didn't do that in front of him.

She looked at me with the question in her eyes, and I went ahead. "I have a boyfriend!" I said, trying to put a bit of an optimistic edge on it.

"Oh my god!" She cried. "Who?"

"Evan," I said, wincing and preparing myself to have my head bitten off.

Her reaction wasn't quite what I had expected. She just sort of sat there looking thunderstruck.

Then Evan comes in with Matt and everyone else. I stood up to greet everyone, and Brittany remained seated.

"Do they know?" Evan whispered in my ear, checking to see if he could tell his friends.

I grinned, happy he was asking me. "No, just Brittany."

Evan walked over to Matt, Benett, and Justin to talk to them. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but I knew he was telling everyone that we were boyfriend, and girlfriend now, and I ate up the happy little grin that he wore as he spoke to them.

"Oh my god! I knew there was something between you two!" Matt said, grinning in that annoying way that made me want to smack him.

This is when Brittany decides to burst into tears.

I was such a bitch. I sat down and hugged Brittany while everyone else watched us. This time she didn't pull away; she just cried. I tried to console her, tell her I was sorry in whispers too low for anyone else to hear while the rest of the world pestered her, trying to find out what the hell was wrong.

When the bell rang, I dragged Brittany to her feet, and that gave Evan enough of a chance to whisper "What happened?" before I could drag Brittany to her class.

Brittany started to walk away on her own though, and I whispered back, "She still likes you!" Which Evan responded to with a rather shocked look. The relationship was just beginning, and it was already a disaster. Evan clearly had no idea as to what to do, so he gave me one of those I'm-sure-everything-will-be-fine smiles and turned to go to his class.

Evan was so incredibly lucky. Brittany wouldn't hate him, she'd hate me. RAWR! Why am I _always_ the bad guy? (Not that I want Brittany to be mad at Evan, but she's acting like I _stole_ him from her or something!)

I waved goodbye to Evan and proceeded to chase after Brittany. She'd stopped crying, and then she just wouldn't speak to me. I'd give her some time to cool off before talking to her about it all.

When I entered my math class, Staci (my other best friend—since sixth grade) appeared out of like no where to give me a hug and congratulate me on the new boyfriend.

The day went by in a blur, and I don't think I actually learned a thing. The day was filled with daydreams about our date Friday night.

Apparently Evan had had a crush on me too! (Yes, I asked because I'm a crazy obsessive psychopath). He just wouldn't follow his own freaking advice and tell me so. When I checked his myspace later to leave him a "Happy Valentine's Day" comment, he had already put up that I was his girlfriend, and that he loved me. He loved me! HA! Does a random dance of insane happiness

But we were talking about school, right? Laughs at how quickly she can go off topic

Much to my surprise, despite the fact that I thought Brittany wanted to decapitate me with a sharpened ruler, she was waiting for me outside my French class as well as my English class; just like usual.

She wouldn't speak a single word to me, so I was a teeny bit scared that she's just explode all of a sudden and bite my head off.

I survived the day, and upon arriving home, I was immediately on the computer, ready to talk to Evan again. Dave seemed to have gotten to me first however;

MCRfreak: Okay, first date training

Drummergirl: wtf? I need training?

MCRfreak: yes, I have already instructed ur beau, now it's ur turn

Drummergirl: Okay….teach away…

MCRfreak: I told him to pay for you, so let him. But put up a fight.

Drummergirl: So I should expect him to pay for me? That's sort of rude..

MCRfreak: No, it's not. And if he doesn't pay for u, I'll kill him

Drummergirl: Please avoid killing the evan, I like him alive.

MCRfreak: lol. jk

MCRfreak: Okay, next….avoid awkward silences, they're….awkward and that's not fun. Despite the fact that they're pretty normal.

Drummergirl: okie dokie

MCRfreak: Be spontaneous, but not annoyingly so (you really don't have to worry about this seeing is how ur constantly hyper)

Drummergirl: LMFAO

MCRfreak: Anything else?

Drummergirl: Um…not that I'm aware of (ur supposed to be teaching me!)

MCRfreak: Oh, yeah, During the movie, don't hold evan's hand. Let him make the first move or whatever.

Drummergirl: this is by far one of the oddest internet conversations I've ever had

MCRfreak: lol


	9. Chapter 9

Thursday when I came into school, Brittany was still ignoring me. "Okay miss Brittany, I have a question for you," I said. "How come you're still waiting for me outside of every class if you hate me so much?"

Brittany responded with a grunt. Very ladylike. Don't get me wrong, I know I sound like a complete and total bitch for saying this, but think about it. I didn't know she liked Evan until…yeah…What was I supposed to do? I didn't actually think my telling him would lead anywhere. What, was I supposed to say no to him? Or just not tell him?

"Come on Brittany, no one marries their eighth grade boyfriend," I tried.

This made her madder as if she knew I'd be the exception to that rule. You know what? I'll let that be seeing as how she doesn't seem to like that argument.

During lunch Stephanie tried to make Brittany cheer up by being exceptionally silly.

"Why are you so unhappy?" Steph prodded.

Stephanie still didn't know WHO my new boyfriend was, so she had no idea what was going on. I figured I'd tell her later while Brittany wasn't staring at my face as if she'd like it to implode.

"I'd be a lot more happy if there wasn't a person I'd very much like to die sitting at this table," She growled, looking me in the eye.

"Listen up, okay?" I said, getting pissed." You're acting like I _stole_ him from you. He wasn't yours to begin with! He liked me, alright? He's not going out with me for no reason. Also, did it happen to pass through your mind that if you had _told_ me that you liked him I might have kept it to myself? You can't tell me an hour before and expect me to consider it holly!"

Shit. She looked at me as if she'd like to cry again….or bring a sledge hammer to my head—whichever came first. The bell rang, and she said goodbye to both me and Stephanie this time.

"May I ask what's going on between you two?" Steph asked while we were walking down the hallway towards sculpture class.

"Well we liked the same guy….and now I'm dating him, so she's pissed."

"Please tell me it's not who I think it is," She said, looking at me dismally for a second.

"Who do you think it is?"

"Evan."

"Sorry, you're right," I replied matter of factly.

"Oi-yah."

Stephanie was Evan's best friend in elementary school, and then she decided that he wasn't "cool" enough to hang out with her anymore (which really pisses me off).

Things seemed as good as they could get considering the circumstances until that evening.

Me my mother and Jen (her wife---yeah, my mom's a lesbian) were eating dinner when Evan called. I told him that I was eating dinner and that I'd have to call him back.

When I returned to the table, my mom said, "Logan, is Evan the guy you like?"

HOW DOES SHE KNOW THESE THINGS? IT DRIVES ME ABSOLUTELY INSANE!


	10. Chapter 10

"No, he's not," I said, trying to block out the screaming in my head.

"Okay, good, because I think you're too young to date."

_Shit_

"What do you consider a date?" I asked, trying to disguise my nervousness.

"You alone with a guy you like."

"But groups are okay?"

"I think you're too young."

Then I started crying. My mother apparently had known all along that it was a date, and she was just playing with me. She told me that if, by some miracle, my father agreed to let me date Evan in _groups_ I could continue to. I could go this Friday though no matter what because I think my mom felt a bit bad.

The deal sucks because my father is the most impossible person to try and talk into something. Not to mention the fact that he doesn't like me much, and wants me to be "daddy's little girl" forever. I was going to talk to my father in person on Saturday because I went to his house on weekends…

I was crushed because the odds were that I wouldn't be able to go out with Evan after this date.

When my mother left to go grocery shopping, I was immediately on the phone with him, trying desperately to explain the situation. I don't think he fully understood what I was saying—either that or he didn't know how to react because he sounded indifferent. This in itself made me cry again the moment I had hung up the phone, and I winded up calling Dave and crying into the receiver for about ten minutes before he got me to calm down and explain what the fuck was going on to him.

"Okay…why don't you call him back. I don't think he understood what you were trying to say. Explain it a little better. He doesn't not care, he just doesn't know your father and what an asshole he can be," Dave suggested, still trying to calm me down.

"I don't want him to hear me cry!" I argued, then I laughed realizing how pathetic I must have sounded.

That was the thing, My friends could somehow magically make anything better, no matter how shitty I felt to begin with.

Dave called Evan and had all three of us sign onto the computer and we went into a chat room. Dave explained the situation to Evan, and he finally got it.

MCRfreak: Okay, now that that's settled, and you're both here, I can't go tomorrow

FMAguru: Okay

Drummergirl: WHAT

MCRfreak: I'm sick, is that a problem?

Drummergirl: It has to be a _group_

MCRfreak: ask sum1 else

Drummergirl: beats Dave over the head with a large mallet

Drummergirl: I'm asking steve then

FMAguru: COME ON STEVE! SAY YES!

Drummergirl: Steve isn't answering me RAWR

FMAguru: vv I really wanted to go out

MCRfreak: I feel the love

Drummergirl: SHUT UP—I'm gonna ask sam, hang on

"Hi, this is Logan, may I please speak to Sam?" I asked, being uber polite over the phone because I was weird.

"This is she, hey Logan!" Sam answered. "What's up?"

"Can you come to the movies tomorrow?" I almost pleaded

"Lemme ask," She said. I heard her calling to her mom and her putting down the telephone to talk for a second.

"Uhuh," she said when she got back to the phone.

"Thank you Sam! I love you!" I shouted, said goodbye, and was immediately back in the chat room.

Drummergirl: Sam's coming

FMAguru: YAY SAM!

FMAguru: Do I know Sam?

Drummergirl: No, but she's really nice

FMAguru: Obviously, all of your friends are nice

MCRfreak: Well, i gtg. remember, no sex on the first date

Drummergirl: DAVE! glares

FMAguru: ...I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that


	11. Chapter 11

Friday went by so fast it wasn't funny. I got Brittany talking to me again even though it seemed like every other sentence was a threat to kill me or something (but hey, it's a start).

Evan had burnt me the original Motion City Soundtrack CD and I couldn't wait to listen to it. He had written on the cover, "Motion City Soundtrack- I am the Movie- For the Amazing Logan". I was going to go home with Sam after school and her mom was going to drive me and her to the movies around four fifteen.

We got to the movies a bit early so after looking for Evan and realizing he wasn't there quite yet we went to FYE to look at CDs that we couldn't afford.

When we got back to the movie theatre Evan was there waiting. "Hey look! It's an Evan!" I said, waving.

"Oh my god! It's a Logan!" He smiled and walked up to us.

"Evan this is Sam, Sam this is Evan," I said, making the introductions.

"Hey Sam," He said, "Logan, my sister wants to meet you—she was convinced you had stood me up."

"Oh boy, I hope you have more faith in me than that," I joked.

Sam and I followed Evan into the food court until he pointed out some girl there. I would go into a detailed description of her right here if I could only remember what she looked like…it's just that my mind was sort of else where shifty eyes. So, Evan's sister smiled, waved, and walked away. Very nice meeting, eh?

"We better get our tickets," Evan said after looking at his watch.

"We're seeing "When a Stranger Calls", right?" Sam asked, taking out a wad of money.

"Yeah," I said, getting out my own.

Evan got in line before m though, and before I could stop him, he had bought me a ticket.

"You don't have to pay for me!" I objected when he handed me the ticket.

"Too bad," he grinned, and put it in my hand anyways.

Have you ever wanted something to go perfectly? Well, that's the evening in summary. I wanted it to be perfect. It was everything but perfect, but in its own twisted way, it all worked out (maybe for the better).

The theatre that we were put in was a little matinee theatre which wasn't a huge deal until a crowd of sixth graders came in and had to sit right behind us. I swear to god that I was _not_ that annoying when I was in the sixth grade. They were loud, obnoxious, and made comments about absolutely _everything_. I wanted to sit up and scream at them to have some consideration, but I think that would make a public spectacle of myself, and not only would some security dude come and escort me out, but I think Evan would have thought I was insane and never spoken to me again.

Anyways, the movie sucked, and the entire time I believe I was mentally screaming at Evan to hold my hand. I know it sounds really dumb, but I was and I was too scared to do it myself. I thought "hey, maybe he'll do it towards the end of the movie" but the end came and I realized it wasn't happening.

After the movie things became increasingly better. We went to the CD store again to look at yet more CDs that we couldn't quite afford. Evan and I shared music while Sam went to look at bargain CDs. Evan played a few Matchbook Romance love songs for me while I stood there listening and blushing, and then I played "Sex and Violence" by the Exploited for him while he laughed hysterically. (I still think that the song is pure genius.) Then I dragged him over to listen to ska, (which I found out he thought was S.K.A. cracks up)

Then we went over to Suncoast, the video store that was closing in a few weeks, so we totally had to go in before it did. Sam went off to look at shit, and Evan and I were going to head back to the anime section. Evan was walking a bit too slow (and I was rushing—again) so I grabbed onto his hand and practically dragged him to the back. About half-way there I realized what I was doing, and let go.  
"Sorry," I said, feeling uber pushy and dumb. Blush who'd of thought holding hands would be so nice?

He sort of smiled at me, rolled up his sleeve that had been covering his hand, and took mine again. When we got to the back it was like insert awkward moment here and then we let go to obsess over random anime stuff.

The night ended far too soon for my taste. When Sam's mom came to pick us up I waved good-bye to Evan insert another awkward moment here and then I was forced to return to my home, after which I was pestered by my mother to show her Evan's year book picture from last year.


	12. Chapter 12

The next day was the day that I was going to be forced to talk to my father about Evan. When he came to pick me up I had already planned the speech. I got into the car, expecting to start the conversation right away, when my step-mother says "We're going to a garden show in Edison!"

I had wanted to talk to my dad _alone_. Not in front of my step-mother. So, I sat through the car ride feeling anxious and miserable, and the garden show had to be by far the most boring event I have ever been forced to attend. When we got there I was far too anxious to just _not_ say anything, so I'm like "Dad, when we get home I need to talk to you."

"Talk to me now," He said.

"No, alone."

"What's wrong?" He asked, "You're not pregnant are you?"

HAHA. NOT. Whatever. Okay, so we got home and my dad took me into the garage. By this point I had had three hours to worry about this, so I was really nervous and I was actually shaking. "Okay, so…hear me out? Okay? On Valentine's Day the guy I like asked me out and I'd really like to go. I know I'm not supposed to 'date' until I'm sixteen but I really want to go and he's not a juvenile delinquent or anything… It could even be with a group if you wanted."

It took a bit, but eventually dad agreed to let me go, if and only if it was with a group. It sucked and I wound up crying, but it was totally better than nothing. I officially had a boyfriend.

The week went by really fast, and I sometimes spent hours online talking to Evan. That Wednesday I was invited to go to a Matchbook Romance concert with him. It took a bit to talk my parents into it, but they eventually gave in as long as my mom came with us (which wasn't so horrible because I knew she'd basically leave us alone). That Friday was when the big problems started.

When I went to my father's house my step-sister's school had sent home letters about myspaces. I was forced to go on and show mine to my father. He was furious because I had told him that I didn't have one. I wound up grounded for two months, and I was forced to delete my myspace. Fortunately, I was still allowed to go to the concert which was at the end of April. After this occurrence, Steve, being the awesome friend that he is, made a myspace group titled "The League of Logan's Friends Who Hate her Dad". There are twenty one members to this day.

I called Evan that Sunday night ready to end up crying, but he somehow managed to make it all better just by listening. I was so scared that he would break up with me because I wouldn't be able to go out with him for such a long time, but amazingly he didn't. I guess that if you want a way to prove your boyfriend cares, that's a good one.

Monday in school I received my first hug from Evan because he must have really felt bad about what my dad did. Brittany of course threatened to kill me afterwards. Later on that day I saw Evan in the media center while my class was doing research, so I got to go over and bother him for a whole ten seconds, and then I got yet another hug.

I had to have a big mouth of course, and I said something to Evan about Brittany threatening to kill me, and he didn't try and hug me for about another week when I said fuck it and hugged him. It's been rather consistent since then.

Evan and I didn't get to go out on our second date until April 1st because my dad wanted to have some "alone" time with Denise, so he shipped my ass to my mother's house.

I so totally had to fight for this date though. It was so _hard_ to find chaperones. To start, Dave didn't want to go. Steve didn't want to go. Eventually Sam said she'd come, but then she got sick. So, Friday, the day before our date I'm walking down the halls virtually begging people to go. Steve agreed to go only if no one else would, and Dave said he'd go. Then Steve said he would because Dave was going, and then on Saturday Sam got better, and Helena offered to come too. It worked out as much as it stressed me out. SO, on Saturday I'm talking to Steve when he decides to shove his head back up his ass.

Alfisrunning: Hey, I'm coming rite?

Drummergirl: Yeah, so are Sam and Dave

(at this point I didn't know Helena was coming)

Alfisrunning: Okay, well Dave and I are going to see Ice Age cuz we don't want to see "She's the Man'  
Drummergirl: Well the point of you guys coming was so Sam didn't feel like a third wheel.

Alfisrunning: Well Sam can see Ice Age with us and you and Evan can go see she's the man

Drummergirl: That would be breaking just about every rule my parents have ever set down for me

Alfisrunning: They don't have to know

Drummergirl: I learned from lying last time steve

Alfisrunning: Who's gonna tell them? Me? Dave? Sam? Evan? Come on Logan

Drummergirl: I'm NOT lying to my mom

Alfisrunning: Ur such a pushover

Drummergirl: If you were _really_ my friend you wouldn't be trying to talk me into lying to my parents

Alfisrunning: Oh, don't give me that bullshit

Drummergirl: I have MORALS steve

Alfisrunning; You don't even fucking believe in god!

Drummergirl: So that means I can't have morals? HA!

Alfisrunning: Ur pathetic

Drummergirl: Fuck YOU


	13. Chapter 13

I wanted to throttle him at that moment more than anything, but unfortunately I had more pressing matters to attend to such as finishing my stupid English research and getting my hair to cooperate with me.

Me and my mom picked up the now healthy Sam, and we got to the mall a bit early. Sam and I went into FYE, the designated meeting place, and browsed until Dave showed up.

"Where's your counterpart?" I asked, meaning 'where the fuck is Steve?'

Steve and Dave seemed attached at the hip, and it was rather rare that you saw one without the other. This probably meant Steve was mad at me. Ick.

"He said he might come, I don't know if he really will," Dave answered.

We sat around waiting for Evan to show. I started to get worried because he was running late, and apparently my worrying was rather noticeable. "If he stands you up, I'll strangle him," Dave offered, trying to make me feel better.

"Gee, thanks. You just gave me something else to worry about,"I replied flatly.

What if Evan didn't show? What if he's mad at me? ARGH! I swear I suffer from paranoia or something. Why is it that EVERYTHING is something to worry about? Anyhow, I was completely flipping out when Evan comes over...HA! And I was worried...

I smiled, waved, and we all went to get our tickets. "Two for "She's The Man," please," Evan said, before I could object and offer to pay for my own.

"There's only front row seats left," the woman replied, looking bored.

Dammit.

"Well, what else is playing around this time?" Evan asked.

"Ice Age," She said flatly, holding out her hand for the money.

Oh boy, I get to spend my second date watching a kid's movie! Sigh it doesn't really matter though, it was a date with Evan...can't complain at all there.

We all paid for our tickets, and said screw the popcorn because the line was too frigging long. We then found ourselves in a movie theatre as the only kids above the age of eight.

I sat on the end next to Evan, and the rest of my friends filed in. Helena had just arrived, so there were five of us.

When the movie started I had this weird nervous excited feeling that Evan might hold my hand. I mean, he's hugged me, what was so hard about grabbing my hand?

The first half hour of the movie passed and I started to get a bit anxious-- I didn't think he was going to try anything.

I was freaking out when I resolved to "accidentally" brush my hand against his. I lifted my hand, fixed my hair, and went to put it down next to his, but me, being the spazz that I am, put my hand 100 on top of his, and was like "oh fuck" (please note that I'm not enough of a spazz to say that out loud).

A few seconds after my panicked thoughts, i felt his hand move and I thought I was being rejected. He was actually trying to put his on top of mine, but of course it took until our hands were rather tangled and we were almost cracking up before I realized what he was doing. I finally got it, and he took my hand...does a happy dance I felt more color rising to my face and I felt warm all over…I dunno. I was just very happy. There aren't quite words to suit it (frigging hormones!)

The movie of course had to end and we had to let go… The evening was rather amusing after that because it consisted of us spazzing out at the mall.

It seems that the conversation I recall the most was our one about Elliot Smith. We were sitting at a table at the pretzel place and Sam was talking about this singer Elliot Smith.

"Isn't he that guy that tried to kill himself like four times?" I asked, laughing.

"Yeah, you know you're really bad at life when you can't kill yourself," Sam said, and we all laughed. "Let's see….the first time he tried to slit his wrists but his girlfriend found him and took him to the hospital. Then, he jumped off a cliff, but he landed in a tree and only broke, like, his leg."  
"How did he wind up doing it then?" Dave asked.

"He stabbed himself in the chest," Sam said matter-of-factly.

"Lovely conversation to be having on a date," I commented.

….Yes you get the idea of how incredibly productive that conversation was.

The night went by too fast once again. sigh


	14. Chapter 14

The fight with Steve raged on. He wouldn't talk to me, so I just stopped trying to make peace. It was really annoying and the longer he didn't talk to me the more I realized how little I cared if he actually did talk to me. I mean, what was the point of trying to make peace when I knew that all it would lead to was yet more arguments?

Drummergirl: I dunno what the fuck is wrong w/steve

Stacixoxo: Uh…he's fine w/me

Drummergirl: He's INFURIATING

Stacixoxo: Can I say something w/o u getting mad at me?

Drummergirl: Maybe?

Stacixoxo: I think you still like steve.

Drummergirl: OH HELL NO

Stacixoxo: U sure about that?

Drummergirl: staci? I love EVAN. My _boyfriend_

Stacixoxo: Sure logan

ARGH how is it that people always manage to piss me off when I'm seeking _relief_ from my anger? Jeez!

The next day in school, just to add to my agony, my friend Shana told me that Steve called me fat which is just _lovely_ considering I'm like uber sensitive about my weight.

Stacixoxo: Did you hurt steve for caling u fat yet?

Drummergirl: noooo….

FMAguru: He did WHAT?  
Drummergirl: he called me fat

FMAguru: would like to kill steve

Drummergirl: Can I watch? LMFAO

About three days went by and I stood my ground. I wouldn't talk to Steve and he wouldn't talk to me either. The Thursday before spring break however, the freak decided to open his big mouth in an email (I had blocked him so he couldn't instant message me to apologize cuz I'm just mean like that).

"Okay, well I was gonna send you an IM and give you individual thoughts while you gave me angered feedback, but you weren't on so w/e. Anyways I suppose I owe you an apology, and I'm inclined to give you a degree of congratulations. Regardless of what you think, I was taking my chance to attempt to get you to not be a pushover. And at least in this case you weren't and didn't apologized because I appeared to be being an ass. So really I guess I just have to say "good for you" and get on with life. I don't really expect you to stand up to your parents- parents are an entirely different thing to stand up against, and 9/10 of the time I have a hard time arguing with them, let alone winning. Well w/e. Just wanted to make amends with you before break. Won't be a band practice since dave isn't gonna be in town.

Steve"

HA! He apologized! does a lurid happy dance.


	15. Chapter 15

April flew by, as did spring break, and I found that April 22nd, the day of the concert was getting closer and closer…

_The lights dimmed and the band began to play "Promise". The air began to cool and Evan took me into his arms…the song went on and when it came to the lines "take my hand and never let me go…" He kissed me, soft and sweet…_

Ha! You thought I skipped I didn't. That was my fantasy. It's what my daydreams consisted of for over half the month. Don't laugh—I know it's wishful thinking. I was really worried about that too…what if he didn't try to kiss me? Like, what if neither of us ever has the guts to try anything? worries

Dave had always told me that if I needed romantic advice that I should ask him… I mean I don't _want_ to get Dave involved, but what would asking for a little help hurt?

Drummergirl: Dave?

MCRfreak: Yes?

Drummergirl: Can I voice my freakish worries to you and have you possibly offer some advice on how to alleviate them?

MCRfreak: What is it now?

Drummergirl: Um…. Like…Evan hasn't kissed me yet—is there a way for me to let him like…I dunno…know it's okay so he'll try something?

MCRfreak: Ah, the classic issue. You know he's probably scared—that's why he hasn't done it. I was a prude once…I was scared too lol

Drummergirl: For some reason that surprises me lmfao

MCRfreak: But anyhow you could make the first move

Drummergirl: Fuck no. I'm more scared than he could possibly be

MCRfreak: A peck on the lips? A kiss on the cheek? It doesn't have to be a real kiss logan, he'll get the idea

Drummergirl: is too scared

MCRfreak: Well.. I could talk to him

Drummergirl: HA! No

MCRfreak: it might help

Drummergirl: sigh no?

Meh, well that didn't help…

Stacixoxo: Life sucks

Drummergirl: What makes you say that?

Stacixoxo: Not only will I not be allowed to try out for wrestling but that guy I like likes someone else

Drummergirl: I'm sorry

Stacixoxo: Did u read the end of "A Midsummer Night's Dream"?

Drummergirl: No, not yet—why?

Stacixoxo: It sucks, real life never has a happy ending like that

Drummergirl: Staci, get a hold of urself. Life does have happy endings—you just have to work on making your own

Stacixoxo: Well….you could never make it _that_ perfect

Drummergirl: I'm supposed to be the emo one, not u miss perky prep

Stacixoxo: …

Staci does worry me a lot. I mean one day she'll be all happy and perky, and the next day she'll look like she's ready to kill herself. I still don't know why she's making such a big deal of this guy though. He's in 9th grade, one year older than us, and he treats Staci like complete and total shit and she knows it. How can you like someone who is so mean to you and doesn't even like _talk_ to you civilly…. sigh and to top that off, Steve _also _decides to confide in me… I knowest not why (AGHH! SHAKESPEARE!)

"Okay, so you want me to confide in you instead of Dave sometimes from here on? Is that what I gathered from some of what our (counts on fingers) second to last fight was about? Okay, this is gonna be your first shot. And I'm dazed just writing this.

Well... er...

Um...

Screw it, I'll just say it. I'm still bothered by September. And I don't mean 9/11. I mean this year. THIS YEAR as in HANNA. Somehow whenever I hear a breakup song I'm filled with this unspeakable disgust in myself for some reason! And I don't mean in that I fell in love with her! I mean I've let myself live a half-life for the better part of a year! It's pathetic! PLEASE SLAP ME NEXT TIME YOU SEE ME. I'm dead serious. I mean this is bullshit! I was sitting here on the Yahoo! music video archive and Swing, Swing suddenly shows up and I'm like "Hey that reminds me of... shit..." and then I'm sitting here twitching about another attempt to apologize that I've yet to use and I realize that every word on it is a lie! I mean I was going with the whole schelp about how I'm not obsessed with her anymore and I'm thinking clearly and I really just wanna be friends but I'm a DAMNED liar! My mind IS fixed on her 24/7, I AM NOT THINKING CLEARLY, and I DON'T JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS! I want things back the way they were... when I could trust Hanna with everything! I mean I don't think consciously about her, but whenever I let my guard down the first thought is about Hanna! I'd send you a picture of what I look like now but this'll have to suffice. ;; I mean it almost makes me want to pull a Dave and go through girlfriends so fast I completely forget their names! Maybe I'd forget Hanna too...

PLEASE HIT ME! HARD! And if you tell Dave about this I'm burning your dad's house down. (thinks about it) Your mom's house. AHAH! That would be bad wouldn't it! DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT TELLING DAVE! When you get this you make it a hidden file and never show it to ANYONE.

AAAAGGGGGGHHHHH (to quote Jessie) and if you're wondering about her... well she pales in comparison to Hanna in my mind...

AAAAGGGGGGHHHHH I did it again! DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! This all makes me sick to my stomach... in the not-literal sense... collapses sobbing miserably Why the fuck am I sobbing? Even I realize Hanna's not worth it! (It must just be that I realize how pitiful it is that I let myself get into this self-imposed deathtrap... I hope... Otherwise I'm REALLY REALLY in love and that's bad.) Arrgggggggh... twitches

Send me to the asylum. Please. I mean I'm head over heels for a girl who turned me down months ago and who isn't really all that attractive to anyone else and I'm telling my best friend who used to be in love with me about it and forbidding her to tell this to my other best friend who I've confided in every time I've ever done anything at all stupid and WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING. cries Help me!

PS: I am not yet considering suicide, nor am I considering cutting, or homosexuality (I DEFY YOU SHANA) nor homicide nor armed robbery nor a life of crime otherwise managed nor a druggy life nor anything else stupid I failed to mention.

PPS: HELP ME I'M DYING HERE. WHEN I SAY "Love heals? No WONDER I feel like I'm dying!" ON MY MYSPACE I MEAN IT!


	16. Chapter 16

Wow.

Wow.. that's a lot to take in. I promise you I won't tell a soul. It's just good to vent sometimes. I know you didn't ask for advice or anything except to request my slapping you, but...like i know what you're going through, okay? Sometimes everything just SUCKS and you don't know what to do about it. I'll be realistic steve. I have no idea what you can do about it. The best I could do for you is to ask hanna what her problem is discreetly.

okay. um...let's see... doing a dave will not help the situation, because i can just SEE you calling some other chick hanna while you're out on a date (sorry, we needed some comic relief) um...feels special that steve is confiding in her err. wow. Yes, as I said. I've been through it points at steve and one or two other people but it does get better. It may kill you, but there's nothing wrong with thinking about someone constantly. And if you think going out with her will make you stop thinking about her, IT NEVER STOPS I KNOW THIS FROM EXPERIENCE. honestly, It only makes you think about the person more. And then you sit there constantly worrying about screwing up or getting into a fight, or worrying about them breaking up with you. THERE IS NO HAPPY MEDIUM MY FRIEND!

Logan

(P.S.  has been revised. we need ur profile...and call me or something if you still want to talk)

The next day I talked to Hanna for Steve, and the best I could do was to get her to agree to speak to him next year as if nothing had happened. It's not great, but I suppose it's a start.

Staci's depression didn't get much better, and I started to worry about her. There was this guy named Ryan, and she insisted she loved him, but he liked someone else. He even told her so (which I think is cruel, but whatever). Just when I started to get worried about her though, she perked up incredibly.

Stacixoxo: OMG! GUESS WHAT

Drummergirl: Um…ur dog spoke Japanese?

Stacixoxo: NO! This is better!

Drummergirl?

Stacixoxo: I'm on the wrestling team!

Drummergirl: GO STACI does a happy dance on her behalf

I had drum lessons later that night and I started to learn I new song. I told Sam the next day and she had a sudden interest in singing for the band. I told her it was fine w/ me, but we'd have to ask the guys. Steve was normally our lead singer, but Sam could also sing really well. She loved the song, so I thought it would be a bit more appropriate and have a bit more feeling if she sang it. Dave wasn't the biggest fan of female singers, but he could deal I suppose so it looked as if Sam was home free.

When I saw Steve in the hallway later that day, I took the opportunity to ask if Sam could sing, "Hey—is it okay if Sam sings the new song?"

"Whatever," Steve said, shutting his locker.

"Hey! Thanks. I didn't think it would be such an easy yes," I laughed, fuzzing his head and walking away.

Of course I had to jinx it. It really wasn't anywhere near as easy as I thought it would be.


End file.
